The tragedy and miracle of youth

A little melodramatic perhaps, but appropriate. It was about two weeks ago I heard the name Tyler Clementi and it is sad that, though I never had the pleasure of knowing him personally, he leaves a very tragic and powerful legacy. Sadly, the names Dhuran Ravi and Molly Wei now have equally as powerful images associated with them.

Since then, there has been a lot of articles condemning and villainizing what they did, and understandably so. But what, exactly DID they do? I ask this because I am trying to be fair. We can't demand justice with being willing to grant justice, nor can we ask for compassion without giving some. No one wakes up one morning and says to themselves,

"Today I think I will make someone take their own life."

Then I started thinking about all of these other teen suicides we have been hearing about lately and the bullying that has been linked to it. I am not all that young, nor am I all that old, but bullying can't have changed all that much in all this time. I think what has changed is our ability to handle it. Not just the person suffering from it, but the people around them too. In all of these cases people had to have had an inkling of what was going on. In any situation, everyone contributes, everyone makes a difference. In Tyler's case, some contributed more than they should have, (Mr Ravi), others did not make as much of a difference as they could have (Ms Wei). People are stepping forward talking about what wonderful people they are.

It ultimately does not matter. They both made decisions, they both chose a course of action. Now they are both paying the consequences for those actions, whether or not they intended anything so drastic to happen. Though the public will eventually forget, it's still a great weight that will stay on their shoulders for the rest of their lives, whether they like it or not. I truly feel that, at the very least, they should apologize to Joe and Jane Clementi for their roles in his death. No explanations, no justifications, really, what can anyone possibly say? All they have to say are the words, "I'm sorry". But I don't know if it's going to happen. It's a sad commentary on our society when someone cannot say those two words and have them taken at face value. Those two words can bring a lot of healing with them, but more often than not, people tend to dissect them and their intentions. Does it really matter? Not to you or me, but to Joe and Jane it could mean the world of difference.

How does this sort of thing happen? Now here is where I tend to wax poetic, and this is where the title of this entry comes from.

A person's teen years are a magical time. It is a time for self exploration, a time to learn about yourself. You are too old to be told what to do but too young to know any better. It is during this time when you are trying to find your own path and learning to be comfortable in your own skin. It is a time of intoxicating freedom, you are dating, going out with friends, driving. Doing the things you always wanted to do but never could, it's easier to sneak around and get away with it. It is this arrogance, this intoxication, this feeling of invincibility that I see as the miracle of youth. I know I drove my family NUTS during my teen years. I did what I wanted to do, come hell or high water. But, the difference was, I never forgot to look at who my actions would effect and how they may affect them. I tried to take responsibility for my choices, my actions. I was lucky that my parents did all they can to instill that in me.

I remember the Menendez brothers. They murdered their parents and their defense was that the abuse they received justified it. I can't remember if that defense worked, but I do remember hearing that it was the first time anything like that had been argued in such a manner. Ever since then it seems that everyone works so hard to push the responsibility away from them. I miss the days when parents taught their children to account for their actions and take responsibility for their decisions. I can't help but wonder how different things would be if they did.

I'm not saying they are solely responsible for Tyler's suicide, but I am saying that they did not help the situation. As I said earlier, there had to be others who were aware that Ravi did that sort of thing. Why didn't anyone say anything then? The president or Rutgers says his people did everything they could do. If that was true then it would never have gotten so out of hand. I am not saying no one did anything at all, only that more could have been done. But it's a little late for that now. Now, the question is, what can we do?